


Breaking Down Barriers-Building Up Walls

by Fadedmon2



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Blue Hawke, Clumsy Hawke, F/M, Fear, Feels, Fenris Can Be Scary, Misunderstandings, Slight Violence, Unrequited Love, sort of requited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 19:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7520632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fadedmon2/pseuds/Fadedmon2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I started this as a cute fluffy "teaching Fenris to read" fic, but it turned into this. Velmina just wants to connect with Fenris, but a gift is misunderstood and all hell breaks loose. Things are kind of awkward for them after that. Until Hawke spills her heart out to a friend and Fenris hears the whole thing. Hawke meets Fenris and everything is going well, until Fenris freaks out again.</p>
<p>I don't know if I am going to finish this or not. I guess it's up to you. Lemme know if you want me to finish it or scrap it. Been about a month since I wrote anything and just trying to get back into it. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Down Barriers-Building Up Walls

Velmina Hawke didn’t know what the elf’s response to her gift would be. It wasn’t as if he actually liked her. Though she was completely taken by him. There was just that pesky little problem of her being a mage. Fenris seemed to hate all mages, but most decidedly her. Yet Anders did seem to tweak his nerves as well, but Fenris always seemed to lash out at Velmina.

Heartbreaking didn’t even cover how he made her feel when he would just turn to her and call her a dirty mage, or abomination. It felt as if he had gripped her heart and crushed it.

She pushed those thoughts aside as she opened the door to his mansion, at least he had lived their for the past three years. She walked cautiously, she could hear him cursing in Qunlat. Though she didn’t understand a word of it, she could tell he was furious again. She walked up the stairs quietly until she could see him staggering around still cursing, throwing bottles at a wall. She watched him sit down in the much too large chair. He quieted and stared off into nothingness. 

His brow furrowed and that same permanent scowl returned to his distracting mouth. His green eyes narrowed and determined under the strands of snow white hair that had fallen in his face. He wasn’t glowing blue yet, so he wasn’t exactly beyond being talked to, but she was still cautious.

“Fen..Fenris?” she spoke almost a whisper, but it echoed off the cavernous walls and ceilings.

“What!” he seethed turning his gaze to her intrusion, but never moving a muscle.

“I wanted to see if you were okay.” her voice was meek and small

“I’m just great!” he scoffed

“You can talk to me you know?” she wrung her hands nervously

“And why would I want to do that?” 

“Be...because I’m here for you.”

“Don’t do me any favors Hawke.” he growled

Realizing that he was far too angry to chat with her she tried another approach.

“I brought you something.” she tried to smile but it fell flat when he made an audible scoff.

She reached into her pack and pulled out the small leather-bound book. She clutched it tight to her chest and beamed with anticipation.

“I found this recently and I thought you might like it.” she stated placing the book on the table with shaking hands “It’s by Shartan. I thought you might get something out-”

“You brought me a...book?” his tone was low and she couldn’t tell if he was angry or shocked “Me a SLAVE! A book!” his tone rose and she definately knew he was angry again. “What am I supposed to do with a book?” he yelled “It’s kindling to me!”

“I thought you might enjoy reading about a elven-”

“I CAN’T READ YOU TWIT!” he grabbed the book and threw it at her, striking her in the arm.

“I’m...I’m sorry...I didn’t realize.” she said sadly rubbing the growing red spot on her arm.

“Just get out of here Hawke.” he lowered his voice to almost a whisper and dropped his head into his hands.

Velmina didn’t wait for him to speak again she took off running, rubbing her arm and fighting back her tears. When she reached the door she could hear the sound of paper ripping and Fenris cursing in Qunlat again. She opened the door and left, running all the way back to her house.

She threw the door open and raced past her mother and straight up to her room before slamming it shut and falling against it. Finally able to cry, she cried until her eyes burned. She laid her head on her knees and stared at her bookcase full of books. Books that she imagined she could share with Fenris, in hopes of earning his respect and daresay his affection. Now they were just pages and pages of empty dreams. She examined her arm, it was now turning a deep magenta color, it was bruising. A reminder to never give Fenris a book again, or any gift for that matter. It was obvious that he despised her. She turned her head to her knees again and cried.

“Darling?” her mother called tapping softly on the door “You seemed distraught.” 

“I’m fine mother.” she choked out

“Oh posh!” she cursed “Let me in!” 

Velmina stood and opened the door wiping her tears from her freckle dusted skin.

“Oh darling! You have been weeping!” she took her daughter into her arms and held her petting her long auburn curls. “What happened love?” she took Velmina’s face in her hands and looked into her bright blue eyes, now red rimmed and puffy.

“I...I made a mistake...a big one.” she sobbed trying to avoid her mother’s eyes

“How dear?” she kissed her forehead and smoothed away a stray curl.

“I wanted to give Fenris a gift...” 

“You are smitten with that elf aren't you.” she smirked

“He threw it back at me and told me to leave...”

“He what!” her mother’s calm and collected demeanor melted away and she was a Mabari protecting her pup. Then she noticed the bruise on Velmina’s arm and red flashed in her eyes. “Did He do this?” she pointed to the darkening mark.

“Mother please” she pulled her sheer sleeve down to cover it “I’m just going to stay away from him. It’s obvious I can’t change his opinion of me.” she turned from her mother and stared out the window “and I’m tired of trying to.” the latter was almost a whisper as her tears started to fall again.

“All right dear. It’s late. Did you eat anything?”

“I’m...I’m not hungry mother...I just want to go to sleep.”

“Do you want to sleep with Damian?” she smirked

Before Velmina could answer, the big slobbering Mabari came running into her room and knocked her to the floor, licking her face until she was covered in dog spit. Velmina couldn’t help but laugh as her face was covered in dog kisses.

“Dam...Damian” she laughed 

“See darling” she smiled “Mabari are extremely intelligent.”

Her mother left her room and Hawke wrapped her arms around Damian and hugged the hound. Then she walked over to her closet and pulled out her sheer nightgown. Shedding her robes she slipped into the soft flowing fabric. She unplaited the rest of her fiery curls and shook them loose then climbed into bed. Damian was already laying on her pillow and barked happily when she laid down next to him. She clung to him as she slept, and he laid his massive head on her shoulder.

 

Sun was spilling in her windows and Damian was licking her face impatiently.

“Alright. Alright.” she giggled “I’ll let you out.”

Damian barked happily wagging his stub of a tail and jumping. Velmina opened her door and Damian took off running. She rolled her eyes and followed the hound to the front door where he waited impatiently.

“You know you could have asked Bodan or Sandal to let you out, you big oaf.” she patted his head as he opened the door and he took off running. She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms over her chest. A yawn escaped her and she stretched like a cat in the morning light. She had looked inside to ask Bodan if mother was awake when she heard a nervous cough outside. She turned to face the visitor.

“Fenris!” she exclaimed then quickly remembered her nightclothes were not the most modest. In fact they left nothing to the imagination. She might as well have been standing nude on her front doorstep. She tried to cover as much of herself as possible, but failed miserably. 

“Hawke?” his tone was surprised and was he blushing. He wouldn’t look her in the eye. In fact he was staring at the window above her head as he spoke to her. “I came here to...” he cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his snowy hair. “To tell you-”

“Look out!” she yelled diving for Fenris as Damian came barreling past them. 

Damian was barking happily in the house and Velmina was laying on top of Fenris. The elf pinned to the ground and she was in a most inappropriate position. Had it not been for his armor cutting into her thigh, she may have taken a moment to enjoy it. She rolled off him and stood before limping back into the house.

“Well come in.” she called back

Once he had made it inside she closed the door and limped upstairs. Passing Damian she scolded him for the whole ordeal. He whined pitifully then licked her hand as an apology. She limped past him into her room and over to her chair. She lifted the hem of her nightgown and examined the cut on her thigh. It wasn’t deep, just a scratch really, but it still hurt. She focused a healing spell on her thigh and soon her hands were enveloped in a cool mist that fell on her injury. The cut closed and the soothing cool of the mist took any pain she had felt away. She turned to face a stoic Fenris. She stood up and grabbed a dress out of her closet then opened the closet door and dressed behind it. Not that he was even watching or paying attention, but she didn’t want to fuel anymore of his ire. She closed the door and walked over to her dresser taking her brush and attempting to tame her mess of curls. She pulled the mess back into some semblance of an updo. Satisfied she sat back in her chair, crossing her legs and picking nervously at her fingernails. An awkward silence fell on them and she was getting fidgety.

“If you’re not going to say anything, then we should probably go find the others and see what kind of help the people of Kirkwall need today.” she stated without looking up

More silence. She could hear his breathing and his heart beating, but that was all. He was silent.   
Realizing he wasn’t going to speak, she stood up and found her shoes. Then as she was walking to her door he finally spoke.

“I did that?” his voice was shaking as he pointed to the bruise on her arm.

“Forget it.” she stated nervously “It looks worse than it is.”

“Don’t” she stopped and looked at him “Don’t do that Hawke.” he was starring at the floor unable to look her in the eyes.

“What did I do now Fenris?” her tone was sharper than she intended. “How have I managed to offend you this time?”

He was silent. 

She stepped out into the hall and walked down the stairs unsure if he was even following. She stopped in front of Bodan.

“Please tell mother I will be back this evening Bodan.” 

“Yes Me Ser.”

She opened the door and stepped out into Kirkwall. The walk was fairly pleasant as it was a beautiful sunny day with big fluffy clouds and a nice breeze. She closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh air. Hightown was the only place in Kirkwall that didn’t smell of piss and despair. She was smiling when she hit something solid with an “Oof”

“Well hello Hawke.” 

She opened her eyes to see Sebastian staring down at her somewhat amused.

“Hello Sebastian.” she blushed “I’m sorry I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“You’re fine lass. I see you have Fenris with you. Are you on a mission? Do you require my aid?”

“No no.” she smiled “I know Elthina has plans for you today.”

“Very well. Good day to you both.” he bowed then headed off toward the Chantry.

She turned and faced Fenris. He stopped suddenly, looking at her confused.

“You can go if you wish.” she said softly

“Is that your wish?” he asked in an almost nervous tone.

“No” she started “but you have made it abundantly clear that you don’t like me.” she winced “I won’t make you follow me around all day.”

Before he could answer, Isabella’s velvety Rivainy voice echoed out.

“Hellllo Hawke!” she cat called “Looking sexy!”

Velmina blushed pursing her finger to her lips in hopes of shushing Isabella.

“What?” she whispered coyly

“Please don’t embarrass me again Isabella.” she begged

“Oh you’re no fun.” she pouted “Wasn’t a lie though.” she winked “You look good enough to eat.”

“Isabella!” she blushed smacking the woman’s arm

“Speaking of good enough to eat.” she eyed Fenris

“I have always wondered...” she sauntered over to the elf “What do you wear under all that armor?” 

“Isabella!” Velmina warned again

“I’m talking to Fenris...” she purred “He never said not to embarrass him.” she smirked

Velmina felt a prickle of anger run up her spine, but pushed it away. Isabella was a very voluptuous, very experienced woman, and she had one more thing over Hawke. She wasn’t a mage. Fenris never pushed her away or threw a book at her, or avoided conversation with her. She pushed the growing jealousy down deep inside her and let it eat away at that growing empty place. 

“So?” Isabella purred

“The same as you most likely.” Fenris deadpanned

“Mmmm” she licked her lips “You do know that I have nothing on under this.”

Velmina couldn’t take their chatter anymore and began humming a lullaby her mother would calm her with, when she was a child. It drowned out their voices and put her in a calmer state. Soon she forgot that they were even following her. She had stopped humming when she heard the tail end of the conversation.

“I bet under all that quiet, brooding...” she tapped his armor with her fingernail “their is a wild beast waiting to be unleashed.” 

Velmina had heard quite enough. 

“I think I will go find Varric.” she stated “You two continue whatever this is...” she trailed off choking down the sob that was threatening to escape.

First it was a fast paced walk that turned into a run. Once again she was running away from her feelings. Her feelings. How she felt. To be honest she was hurting. She had spent her whole life wanting love, but knowing that the world hated mages. Well there was no place for love in her life. Her attraction to Fenris didn’t help that fact at all. Though his extreme disdain for her and all she was, did dampen her hopes. Actually it doused them, soaking them in doubt. He wouldn’t even settle for being her friend. It was beyond heartbreaking, he didn’t even know her. She wanted to know him, but she was a mage. 

She wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed, hoping it would stave off her tears.

“Humming Bird?” Varric’s tone was full of concern

She quickly wiped her tear away and faked a smile for the dwarf.

“Hello Varric.” she singsonged in hopes of hiding her hurt

“Humming Bird?” he warned knowing she was bluffing “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.”

“Can’t keep anything from you huh Varric.” she wiped away another tear

“Tell me what’s wrong.” he embraced her laying his head against her stomach

“It’s a long story.” she whimpered

“I have all day. Lay it on me.”

What seemed like several hours later she was finally through crying and had told Varric everything. Her feelings for Fenris. His hatred for her. The gift that was turned into a weapon then destroyed. Isabella’s flirting. How she just wanted to talk to Fenris, but he was avoiding conversation with her, specifically.

“Should I have a chat with Broody?”

“Oh Maker No!” she grabbed Varric’s hand and pleaded with him “Please don’t Varric. He’ll only get angrier at me.”

“Calm down Humming Bird. I’ll leave the chat for another day.” he squeezed her hand then touched her freckle dusted cheek.

“Thank you Varric...” she leaned into his palm “for listening.” she smiled then leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

“Aww Hawke. You are ruining my reputation as a heartless bastard that writes shitty stories.” he smirked

She stood up and headed for the tavern door when she was stopped dead in her tracks.

“Fenris!” she exclaimed trying to hide her tear stained face.

“Hawke.” he glowered

“Did you need something?” she asked cautiously

“I did actually...” 

She felt her pulse racing. Had he been standing here the entire time. Did he hear her conversation with Varric. Oh Maker he did! He was glaring at her and he looked like he wanted to rip her head off. He must have heard everything. She felt her heart pounding in her chest. Then her head began spinning and before she could stop herself she had collapsed in Fenris’ arms. When she came to, he was glaring at her with malice.

“Shit!” she cursed covering her mouth “I..I...I’m sorry Fenris!” she begged scrambling to get to her feet and as far from him as possible. “I’m so so sorry.” she tripped over her own feet trying to get away from him. She hit her head on a table and finally gave up. She sat with her head pounding and Fenris looming over her.

“If you are going to kill me just do it.” she burst out crying “I can’t take back what you heard.”

“You think I’m going to kill you?” he sounded shocked

“You hate me Fenris. You make no secret of that. You just heard me bear my soul to Varric and I’m sure that sickens you. I just fainted in your arms because you terrify me. I can’t do anything without pissing you off or offending you in some way. I can’t help my feelings. They’re a stupid infatuation. I know I’m a mage and I’m scum. You’re not the first to tell me that. I just thought that even if you didn’t love me, maybe you could like me...” she was shaking as she spoke, tears streaming down her face “You’re free Fenris. I will not force you to stay when you want to go. Just please crush my heart. It already is, so it’s fitting really. Please tell mother I love her and I’m sorry.” she shifted her position and faked a laugh “and tell Carter to lighten up a little.”

She braced herself and stood facing down her executioner. They were in a secluded corner and no one seemed to notice them, so it would be a while before anyone discovered her body. By then, he could be out of Kirkwall. She closed her eyes as she stood ready for the killing blow.

It was several minutes when she opened her eyes and Fenris was gone. She stared at a bare wall. She wiped the tear from her cheek and took a deep breath then made her way out of the tavern and back to her home in Hightown. The day had got away from her and she just wanted to go home and cuddle up to Damien.

Velmina headed to the door when the barkeep called her over. Cautiously she approached the man.

“That elf..the one with white hair...he said to meet him at his place.”

Velmina felt a surge of fear as her mind swam. Perhaps he wanted total privacy to end her miserable life. Should she just go home and forget his summons? Should she seek him out? Part of her wanted to know why he had left her standing alone, then summoned her. A tiny flicker of hope sparked that perhaps he just wanted to talk. And the romantic side of her hoped that hearing her heart spilling out to Varric might have changed his. It didn’t matter however because unless she spoke to him, she’d never know.

The walk to Hightown went suprisingly quick. Soon she was walking past her home and the golden glow of candle light in her windows. She walked up the steps to the richest part of Hightown and right up to his home. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She pushed on the door and it gave. She stepped into the mansion and closed the door. There wasn’t a sound save for the wind wistleing through the windows above. A rat scurried across the floor and disappeared in a hole in the wall. Slowly she stepped through the large room and up the stairs. Her shoes barely made a sound, but her heart was pounding in her ears. She stepped into Fenris’ room and was surprised to see that he was gone. The fire in the hearth was embers. Broken glass laid at the bottom of the far wall where bottles had been thrown. In the corner a large four post bed sat, but the dust on the blanket told that it hadn’t been slept in. A large table took up the most room, and on it...the book she had given him. Pages had been torn and pieced back together, held down by several stones. Another page with some form of writing on it. It looked like children’s scratch, but letters were repeatedly written over and over again; until it looked as if the author had become frustrated and scribbled out the bottom line of lettering. She observed the page more closely when it dawned on her... 

“Fenris wrote this.” something horrid tugged relentlessly at her heart. She closed her eyes as she felt a tear falling down her cheek and with a splash it hit the page. “I’m so sorry.” she whispered before turning to leave.

She opened her eyes to...

“Maker Above!” she exclaimed placing her hand over her heart

“Hawke.” he seethed a look of fire in his eyes

“The barkeep said you asked for me?” she practically whispered

“Hmm” 

He walked past her and sat in the large chair, still glaring at her.

“If you are not going to talk, I’m going to leave.” she turned to head out the door “I have had enough of your silent treatment.”

“Hawke!” he yelled causing her to yelp, but this time she didn’t cower.

Velmina was angry. She was tired of the head game he seemed to be playing with her. She was tired of his glares and stares. She was tired of his intimidation tactics. She was tired of the yo-yo he seemed to play with her emotions. And she was tired of her heart hurting every time he looked at her like that.

“What Fenris!” she yelled storming back over to him “I’m right here!” she screamed and it echoed through the rooms “What in the Void do you want!”

He stood and glared challenging her, his eyes focused on her and ready to strike. She glared right back a breath away from him. Refusing to back down.

“I helped you with Hadriana! I helped you clear this place out! I have tried to be your friend! I was even foolish enough to care for you! And yet all you do is treat me as if I’m worthless! And why? Because I’m a mage!” she could feel her veins turning to ice and frost was creeping up her arms and legs. Her breath was cold and menacing. And soon her bright blue eyes changed to a white color. Her hair changed from a fiery red to the same snow white as the object of her ire.

He reached out and grabbed her arms firmly and she was set to blast an ice spike right through him, but before she could cast her spell...

He crushed his lips to hers and weaved his fingers through her hair. For a moment she was frozen. When sense returned to her, the frost was receding and her hair had returned to the normal fiery red. She closed her bright blue eyes and threw her arms around him bringing their bodies even closer. She melted into his kiss as he molded her mouth to his. His tongue chasing hers and tasting the sweet tart of the wine he was always drinking. She couldn’t help it, a small moan escaped her and he released her, breaking their kiss. She breathed slowly trying to make the room stop spinning. She looked up into his green eyes for some kind of explanation. Instead he grabbed her again and crushed his lips to hers. This time with more urgency, as if his life depended on that kiss. He kissed her passionately as her body sang with pleasure. As her head spun out of control she held onto him. He broke the kiss and gazed down into her eyes again, this time trying to tell her with his eyes what he couldn’t say with his mouth. He turned from her ready to leave, her head spinning with no answers. She reached out to him to stop him.

“Please don’t go.” she begged her hand a soft caress on his bare arm.

Without warning the lyrium tattoo lit a bright blue and he grabbed her arms firmly and backed her against a wall until her back hit it hard.

“DON’T EVER TOUCH ME!” he screamed

She was terrified. He could kill her here and that would be the end. She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip, she nodded then slipped out of his grip and ran as fast as she could. She tripped and fell down the last four steps, twisting her ankle badly and jamming her wrist. She yelled out in pain, but forced herself to run to the door to get as far away from Fenris as possible. She was done. 

She ran, limping most of the way until she was finally at her door. She slammed the door open and limped to her room. This time she didn’t want comfort. She locked her door and bolted it. She threw herself on her bed and curled into a ball. She lay there staring at the window. The window that seemed to look directly into his room. She bit back her every pitiful sob. She tried to swallow her sorrow. Her body shook violently as she was wracked with sobs. The moon was very high in the sky when she finally closed her puffy eyes and fell into a deep sleep.


End file.
